In All Pain, There Is a Gift

As you can see I am sort of schizophrenic about turning the big 7-0. Part of me wants to disappear, the other part of me wants to bravely embrace my new number. Hmmm.......when one is schizophrenic they are split between reality and fantasy. My reality is I am almost 70 years old, the fantasy is that I am not one of those people.

The problem with aging is that it is a road with no U-turn. The feeling reminds of me when I was 8 months pregnant with my firstborn. While watching an episode of Dr. Kildare of a woman giving birth I suddenly realized I was going to have to go through that painful experience very soon. There was no turning back. Reality. At 19 years old I was only thinking about becoming a mommy and having a sweet little baby. Fantasy. As you can imagine I had many surprises with motherhood. Yet, for the most part it turned out well.

Things usually turn out well, even difficult things. My mentor, Rubena, used to say (very slowly and with intense blue eyes), "In all pain, there is a gift." Many life events are challenging yet yield great rewards. For example; giving birth, raising a family, going to college, preparing for retirement, growing older.

So, as I shift from denial to acceptance of my new decade, I am looking for the gifts. (Pause) Say, how about the obvious gift? Life! I am alive and, well, very, very blessed by God.

There is a time for everything, and there is a season for every activity under heaven: 

    a time to be born and a time to die, 

    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

    a time to weep and a time to laugh,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance......Ecclesiastes 3

Some Things are Ageless

While on an innocent walk recently, I caught my reflection while passing a big window. Horrors! My body was bending forward at the waist! Stooping. Stooping. I don't even like the sound of the word, and,... it is not a good look. Oh my, one more thing of which I have to be conscious. "Nancy, stand up straight or you are going to look really old." Unfortunately, this is something that happens to us as we age.

With my big birthday fast approaching I am noticing these things. What is it that separates the old from the young? Posture is surely one thing. Beautiful upright posture is always pleasing to the eye and usually belongs to the young. Think gymnast.

No doubt there will be many more examples of "oldness" I will discover, yet, today I want to share one attribute that is ageless. A smile on a face, that's it. Smiles are contagious and universal. Like the art of mime, no matter the language or age we all understand it and smile back. When eyes shine and the mouth turns upward others are softened, less rigid. I like that.

So, on this day receive and give away some warm smiles. Happy Valentine's Day to you.

The Slippery Slippery Slope

What is it about personally turning a new decade number that is so disarming? We don't think we belong with that group, surely we don't. Those people seem so much older than we do. We have all had that feeling when we have attended a high school reunion. Who are those old people? Whether a person is turning 40, 50, 60, it still seems to happen to us. We want to disown the truth. The new number, whatever it is, is hard to get out of our mouths, "th-th-th-irty or se-se-se-seventy."

As a Counselor, I work with psychological diagnosis, one of which is Adjustment Disorder. People have this disorder when they go thorough a severe crisis, such as a divorce, loss of job, death of a loved one. This is what I am having right now, Adjustment Disorder. I am trying to accept a new number and my mind just cannot get around it. I say to myself, "How did this happen?" What a silly question. We say a lot of silly things when we are creeping towards a new number.

Ok, my crisis is not a serious one, it just feels like it at the moment. Walking the path to my next birthday feels like a slippery slope; unsteady, unfamiliar and unnerving. Perhaps you know what I mean. 

Experience tells me that approaching that next birthday is the hard part, like diving into cold water. Once you shiver a bit and paddle around it is not so bad. So, to find my balance and chronicle my journey I have decided to blog about leaving my 60's and turning.....well, you know.