Goodbye Smugness

Note: To make a comment you must click on to the title of the blog, then the comment box will pop up.  
Not being computer swift, I just learned this!


Remember when I turned the big 7-0 a few months ago. My predominant feeling, other than horror, was that I did not belong in that group of old people. Well, guess what? I am now fully immersed in this stage of life.

Here is the way it happened. I had had a cough for 4-5 months, just a tickle really. Should I go to the doctor? He will think I am a hypochondriac. I did go to see him and he sent me for a chest X-ray. He spotted something in my lung, probably pneumonia he said. Off for more tests which resulted in a team of doctors saying I needed a biopsy. The thoracic doctor thought it was cancer, the others did not. He was correct. It was cancer, a kind of cancer that is mostly found in women. So instead of just a biopsy, he removed the bottom lobe of my left lung. (Did you know there were sections in the lungs and that you can breathe normally without the lower lobe?)

The cancer was contained in that lobe, none was found in the lymph nodes. Praise God! The team has also decided they will not treat me with chemo or radiation at this time. They will follow up every 3 months. All of this happened 3 weeks ago.

My gratefulness overflows to the doctors, my husband, family and friends who have prayed and cared for me. I am doing well. So many people have not been so lucky. My heart breaks for the ones that do have cancer.

So, no more smugness. I now gladly say I am 70 years old. I am just as vulnerable to the myriad of diseases, aches and pains that come to my genre. I rejoice because I am well and can breathe freely.  To be continued.........

Job 33:4 The Spirit of God has made me and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.

Joie De Vivre

It seems to me that a joy of living is vital to having a meaningful life. When I am passionate about something my world is bright and purposeful. Right now my passions are my vegetable garden and mastering my IPhone. 

However, I am observing that having a joie de vivre is not as easy when you are 70, 80, 90. You see, as you get older the proverbial clock is ticking, not the child bearing clock, but the clock that has "one foot in the grave." 

Haven't you known older people who stopped dreaming, learning new things, planning their next trip? They even shy away from entering discussions. People who once anticipated the next season of the year have now stepped off the field and onto the sidelines.

So, is that okay? Are elderly adults entitled to just sit and let the clouds roll by? Of course they are.....if that is what they want to do.   Or, do they step back because they feel dismissed and insignificant?  They are not sought out anymore. That saddens me.

Perhaps I will lose my vibrancy as I get older. Don't know. Right now I choose to stay engaged in life, I want to have a voice.

When I have felt a dullness in myself I now know what cures me. Find a new passion. For me there is an energy and excitement that comes with learning. It can be a new exercise class, new skill or a new really, really smart phone. It is called mastery. Think of the joy that comes when a youngster learns to ride a bike. Ahhh, pure joy. So, what keeps you young at heart? 

P.S. Make a point to speak to an elderly person this week.

Shall We Dance?

                     I am 70 years old. There I declared it. Just like that. Bim, Bam, Boom. You ask, how am I doing? Well, I survived the big birthday.

Something that helped me (always does) was a Scripture, "Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about." Now this is a healthy way to view life and at the same time is excellent therapy. Our thoughts make all the difference in our mood. 

There are countless good things about this time in my life. I have the capacity to love, care, walk, dance and enjoy beauty. To celebrate, my husband and I met up with two of my longtime and best friends in Palm Desert. Now that is something to shout about. We laughed at ourselves as we reminisced and shared our hearts. How great is that?

Since returning home there was one time this week when reality once again rattled me and I was tempted to shrivel up and die. You see, a cap on my tooth fell off (I guess that is what happens now). As I go to the oral surgeon's office, I am handed papers to fill out and there it is: AGE_____. Sweat. Tears. After a few deep breaths I was able to write it down, 70. Oh my.

Surely there will be more times of alarm, yet for now, I am dancing. 

Above: Thirty five years of friendship, Nancy, Winnie and Jean

In All Pain, There Is a Gift

As you can see I am sort of schizophrenic about turning the big 7-0. Part of me wants to disappear, the other part of me wants to bravely embrace my new number. Hmmm.......when one is schizophrenic they are split between reality and fantasy. My reality is I am almost 70 years old, the fantasy is that I am not one of those people.

The problem with aging is that it is a road with no U-turn. The feeling reminds of me when I was 8 months pregnant with my firstborn. While watching an episode of Dr. Kildare of a woman giving birth I suddenly realized I was going to have to go through that painful experience very soon. There was no turning back. Reality. At 19 years old I was only thinking about becoming a mommy and having a sweet little baby. Fantasy. As you can imagine I had many surprises with motherhood. Yet, for the most part it turned out well.

Things usually turn out well, even difficult things. My mentor, Rubena, used to say (very slowly and with intense blue eyes), "In all pain, there is a gift." Many life events are challenging yet yield great rewards. For example; giving birth, raising a family, going to college, preparing for retirement, growing older.

So, as I shift from denial to acceptance of my new decade, I am looking for the gifts. (Pause) Say, how about the obvious gift? Life! I am alive and, well, very, very blessed by God.

There is a time for everything, and there is a season for every activity under heaven: 

    a time to be born and a time to die, 

    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

    a time to weep and a time to laugh,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance......Ecclesiastes 3

Some Things are Ageless

While on an innocent walk recently, I caught my reflection while passing a big window. Horrors! My body was bending forward at the waist! Stooping. Stooping. I don't even like the sound of the word, and,... it is not a good look. Oh my, one more thing of which I have to be conscious. "Nancy, stand up straight or you are going to look really old." Unfortunately, this is something that happens to us as we age.

With my big birthday fast approaching I am noticing these things. What is it that separates the old from the young? Posture is surely one thing. Beautiful upright posture is always pleasing to the eye and usually belongs to the young. Think gymnast.

No doubt there will be many more examples of "oldness" I will discover, yet, today I want to share one attribute that is ageless. A smile on a face, that's it. Smiles are contagious and universal. Like the art of mime, no matter the language or age we all understand it and smile back. When eyes shine and the mouth turns upward others are softened, less rigid. I like that.

So, on this day receive and give away some warm smiles. Happy Valentine's Day to you.

The Slippery Slippery Slope

What is it about personally turning a new decade number that is so disarming? We don't think we belong with that group, surely we don't. Those people seem so much older than we do. We have all had that feeling when we have attended a high school reunion. Who are those old people? Whether a person is turning 40, 50, 60, it still seems to happen to us. We want to disown the truth. The new number, whatever it is, is hard to get out of our mouths, "th-th-th-irty or se-se-se-seventy."

As a Counselor, I work with psychological diagnosis, one of which is Adjustment Disorder. People have this disorder when they go thorough a severe crisis, such as a divorce, loss of job, death of a loved one. This is what I am having right now, Adjustment Disorder. I am trying to accept a new number and my mind just cannot get around it. I say to myself, "How did this happen?" What a silly question. We say a lot of silly things when we are creeping towards a new number.

Ok, my crisis is not a serious one, it just feels like it at the moment. Walking the path to my next birthday feels like a slippery slope; unsteady, unfamiliar and unnerving. Perhaps you know what I mean. 

Experience tells me that approaching that next birthday is the hard part, like diving into cold water. Once you shiver a bit and paddle around it is not so bad. So, to find my balance and chronicle my journey I have decided to blog about leaving my 60's and turning.....well, you know.